Still we keep on fighting

I was rejected today.
My blood was anyway. One pricked finger and a blood sample to tell me I was too anaemic to donate. I feel fine, but now some guy in a lab gets the excitement of examining a small container of dark red liquid from my arm, and I get to keep a pint more of myself than I really wanted.
I was thinking about morals, altruism, when I was waiting there today. It's never black and white, you can't define someone by one singular act, just as it isn't possible to understand anyone's motivation for giving their blood to a stranger. If donation is motivated by a desire to feel like a good person, is it selfless? I don't think it matters, maybe I've been watching too much doctor who, but I do love humans.
Other than me.
you let yourself go, and killed him 'cause it's beautiful to watch
I've realised how much this applies to me, my addiction to drama controls my thoughts, especially when there's nothing wrong.
Nostalgia for disaster...
:)

Day 2?

I just had a thought about whether I consciously change the way I write to appear as I want someone else to see me. If so, why do I still not like the idea of someone reading what I write? Won't stop me anyway...
So I'm pretty tired, so going to make this short, don't even have anything I particularly want to say. I'll be back soon. :)

Everybody dance now.

I'm currently experiencing the strange sensation of my head tingling, it's butterflies for the brain, almost excitement but not quite over the line and into the nice category. I think this is caused by half reluctance to start blogging, half impatience to write. I've finally brought myself to click create after concluding that good old-fashioned pen and paper proves far too elusive for me to collate my thoughts regularly in the mess that I call my room, also hoping that the motivation of non-existant readers will encourage me to write more. I apologise to anyone who does decide to subject themselves to my ramblings, similar minds understand one another and therefore anyone who isn't mildly insane will most likely find this blog a slight waste of time...
Thoughts make sense in my head, somehow on their journey from mind to blog they come out much more muddled, and I read back finding myself sounding like a pretentious twat, to be honest!
So anyway, introductions, potential reader... And I will try my hardest not to get distracted by the fairly ominous thunder I can hear in the distance, which I'm hoping will make trying to sleep tonight a less painfully humid experience. I get distracted easily...
I think I'm fairly normal, I've been told otherwise by those who know me. I think this is a result of me rarely thinking before I say anything. You know you're not completely sane when you're laughing hysterically and singing along to a pot noodle ad. I vary between extremes of being quite quiet and annoyingly loud. Mostly I avoid displaying negative emotions in front of anyone, even my nearest and dearest, which results in me using humour as a defence rather than talking about anything I'm finding difficult, unless the matter in question is something I can laugh about. When I write I will always endeavour to be honest about my experiences (hahaha that sounds so melodramatic!), but I believe in writing for the purpose of either information or entertainment, and as there is not much useful knowledge to be gained from reading about my thoughts, I'll settle for the latter, though I am aware that in the majority of cases only I find myself amusing. It's a bad habit I've gotten into, along with laughing at inappropriate moments. I'm just that kind of girl... I'll never be capable of dignity, and I accept it. Life is more fun lived without those kind of constraints, or maybe that's something I've convinced myself of...
I've got some pretty awesome friends, everyone says it but they really do make my life and I love them to bits. Family is a bit strange for me, having lost my mum suddenly 3 years ago now things do get weird, and much as I love them escapism through reading/writing and mainly just chillaxing with my friends having fun keeps me sane. ish. Listening to music is another escape sometimes, I wish I could write lyrics like some people I know but I don't seem to have it in me. This last year has been a bit crazy, people have changed, everyone's grown up a little bit, and things have happened that I'm not proud of but I'm going to blame good old youth. Like anyone I love to laugh, even at my own expense.
I do believe in God, and while I would call myself a Christian that's a pretty broad term as I struggle with various concepts, and find myself questioning a lot of things. There are good days and bad as with everything, and again my friends, a few in particular, prove amazing whenever I have a question, aside from the joy I know we all feel after a good intellectual discussion.
Boys... sometimes frustrate me. I habitually "like" the wrong people, still using vague terminology on this subject rather than the much more romantic "fall for" or even just "have feelings", I'm much too immature. Mostly the word "fancy" is much more appropriate, a result of wonderful teenage hormones, or whoremones as I sometimes think they would be better termed. Drunk encounters and regrets have been a frequent feature previously, as well as just making the wrong choices. I've never had my heart broken but it's taken quite a battering. Over the last year I've been really hung up over one guy who with hindsight I can see really wasn't good for me. At the time things were much more complicated, like I said, my hormones seem to have a mind of their own, I get high on the rush from being near someone I like "in that way". For once it wasn't a case of unrequited emotion (happens far too often for my liking), and being friends already things got complicated, then realising you want different things is always a downer. Sadly alcohol on several occasions decided this wasn't a problem, and while I've never done anything anyone would consider particularly shocking, I ended up in a bigger mess at the end of it all. Making hate lists with your best friend is a damn good cure for getting over someone, trust me.
I've been lucky enough to find someone else, who is amazing, we've been together only two months but at the moment I'm pretty damn happy, and don't want the ride to stop just yet (that was not an intended innuendo).
I think that's enough about me for one night, if anyone did manage to work their way through that monstrosity I'm terribly sorry, you won't have acheived anything. :)

If you were wondering, the title bears no relevance to the content, I'm just random like that, see.